Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
