I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
