i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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