where am i from again
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
