Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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