Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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