How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
