Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
