the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize