I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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