I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Boobs are out for the taking
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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