They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I AM VODKA MAN
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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