we have officially lost it.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
