Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
