Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
