You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
