if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
