You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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