Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
