Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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