my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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