whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
