Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
