on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
