You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
whose parrot is this?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Randomize
