you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
