i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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