I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize