If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
