but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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