i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
