I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
