so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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