Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
