so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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