Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
