We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
