turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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