just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
