Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
