saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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