But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
