I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize