I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
