Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
