do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I party with great urgency now.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
