Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize