why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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