By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
