How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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