I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
