nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
