You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
