Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
So squirting runs in the family.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
