I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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