Plan B is the new Plan A
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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