Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
