areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
