Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
