What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
