Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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