Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
