Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
