Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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