i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
