In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I don't deserve a penis
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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