I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
