we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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