I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
This is classic penis vs brain.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
