I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
