i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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