He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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