oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
we're so committed to being not committed
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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