Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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