I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
