i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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