when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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