My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
high people should be assigned attendants
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
