I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
