can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
