I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
