Whod you bang
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
