Pregnant stripper...not hot.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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