New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
