I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
