Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
