The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
