To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
