Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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