Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize