Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
