i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
