If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
