I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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