i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
