I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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