why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
