dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize