I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
