So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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