I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
