i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
