can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
two words...techno handjob
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
