so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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